


What Else Is There To Lose

by AugustStories



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: s15e08 Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven, Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Family, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Loss of Faith, Love, Loyalty, Michael always remained my favourite, Michael's inner thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27540700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AugustStories/pseuds/AugustStories
Summary: True Loyalty. True Love. True Belief.Michael knew where to find those.He knew who was worth those. Who had always been worth just that.
Relationships: Michael & Adam Milligan
Kudos: 30





	What Else Is There To Lose

Once upon a time, when the world had looked so different to how it did now, Michael had known only one path ahead. Everything in him had been honed on being the good son, on being the Prince of Heaven, on ensuring that God's will was not only lived after in Heaven but on Earth as well.

He ruled Heaven and Heaven ruled over Earth.

He ruled over angels, over his brothers.

And he knew that one day he would be destined to fight Lucifer, to defeat Lucifer to save the world and bring Paradise to Earth. Everything had been laid out, had been written in dried ink, not a single step led off the path of righteousness.

The plan had to be followed.

And everyone not following along got to pay the price.

\--

The good son.

The favourite.

The one who had everything to lose.

His throne, his rule, his leadership, his destiny.

His loyalty had been unbreakable.

Or at least Michael had thought so.

\--

The great moment of destiny came and instead of Paradise on Earth and being reunited with his Father after so many millenia, Michael got the everlasting darkness of the Cage.

He got questions without answers.

He got a brother filled with rage and unending smugness.

He got a loss.

He lost his throne. He lost his rule. He lost his leadership. He lost his destiny.

He lost Heaven.

But he didn't lose his loyalty.

Not yet.

For so long he remained convinced that his Father would righten this outrageous mistake and free him from the Cage, let Lucifer keep rotting but free him.

But...

His Father never came.

\--

Instead Death came and took Sam Winchester's soul.

And as Lucifer raged and howled and turned to take his anger out on Michael and the soul within him, Michael lost his Faith.

Faith in God.

Faith in his Father.

Faith in Heaven.

Faith in Destiny.

He lost it all.

The good son, abandoned just like all the rest, no one special, no favourite of anyone, just as meaningless as everyone else.

In that hopelessness he found Adam.

In this emptiness of purposes he turned inwards and towards the soul being cradled in his Grace.

\--

The Abandoned and the Forgotten.

Michael found Adam, found a purpose again in protecting this soul from the darkness of the Cage and the violence of his brother.

He found a friend.

\--

By the time Lucifer was taken, Michael had long since stopped thinking about Heaven or Hell or destinies, he had stopped thinking about leaderless angels and godless humans. He had seen Earth through Adam's eyes, had seen the flaws and wonders of humanity through Adam's memories. He had seen the magic of a world he had never before considered to enjoy, Earth and humanity had always been just another task to oversee, just another duty.

Adam opened his eyes to the wonder and joy of free will, of living a life unafraid of making mistakes. Of living a life free of destinies and roadmaps.

Their bond grew to something that no words could describe, no word in any human language nor Enochian would ever be able to describe their connection.

And maybe for the first time, Michael only slightly understood why Castiel had done what he had done against Heaven, against God's will after he had pulled Dean Winchester from Hell on Michael's command.

Humanity's simple joy. Their wonder and awe. Their freedom.

\--

Michael basked in Adam's curiosity.

And in their shared feelings towards family.

And he kept on protecting Adam's soul and body from the Cage's influence.

\--

At some point, a few millenia into their imprisonment, Michael realized that Adam had taught him what true loyalty meant. What fierce strength and compassion true loyalty could evoke in an archangel who had always strove for reciprocation.

True loyalty that meant so much more than just love and dedication and following.

Adam's warm curiosity. Adam's unshakable belief in the good in him. Adam's joy over a good story.

Adam's hope of one day being free again.

Adam's wonder at the things yet to come.

Michael let it fill every part of himself.

Let it heal his Grace again and again every time the Cage attacked.

Attacked because the light in this archangel didn't go out, didn't corrupt, it only grew stronger.

\--

Michael didn't know anymore where he ended and Adam begun.

They had become one.

\--

And then the Cage fell.

\--

Michael didn't think of God. He didn't think of angels or Heaven or finding out what had happened. He didn't think about revenge or justice. He didn't think about Hell's doors being blasted open.

He only thought about all those wonders that were no within reach.

"Where to first, Adam?"

\--

They saw the world.

Every country, every city, every street, every corner.

They surrounded themselves with laughter and food and music. They surrounded themselves with people and their joy and their freedom.

They did what they wanted, whatever came to mind, because they could.

Because there was no one telling them otherwise.

\--

When Lilith came, Michael barely listened, he had no interest in his Father for now, there was still too much to see, still too much to experience with Adam to be bothered about something else.

He killed her, unimportant as she was, an hindrance to his joy with Adam only.

When Castiel prayed, Michael went only because Adam was curious what his brothers and their angel wanted. He didn't go because of any of Castiel's words, he didn't go because of any greater plans. He just wanted it done with.

He regretted it fast.

\--

Everything followed was a nightmare made from good intentions.

Michael had lost his faith in God, had lost his faith in Heaven but he had never exchanged it with doubt.

Something that these Winchesters would never understand, that finecky little detail would go right over their heads. Adam at least tried and their argument over God's true self rattled Michael more than it should have. Something only Adam could achieve, unbalance the very pillars of Michael's core.

His belief that despite everything his Father was still good.

A good son could lose faith, but a good son never showed doubt.

And then Castiel and his revelations.

It didn't just unbalance the pillars in Michael, it toppled them, crushed them, desintegrated them to nothing but dust. He couldn't get himself to care about anything anymore in that moment as Castiel left him to think, and even Adam remained silent, having experienced those flashes of a story as well.

Not abandoned. Lied to.

Not important and special. Just another character to play around with.

Never loved. Never cherished.

Just another name in a story.

So he gave the Winchesters and Castiel the spell, opened a rift to Purgatory for them without any heart being in it. He didn't want to kill his Father, he didn't even want them to kill his Father, he just didn't care anymore.

If they won, if they failed.

What did it matter still, when all of their existence had just been a lie.

\--

Adam need a while to revive his spirits but he managed in the end and they returned to where they had left off.

Michael remained steadfast in where he stood concerning his Father, now more than ever, if he wanted a word he could come himself.

Adam and him lived their freedom, lived their joy, lived their happiness.

\--

Until God took even that from him.

Took the last thing he could take away from him.

Took away Adam.

\--

It hurt.

It was a pain that Michael had never felt before.

Nothing could have ever prepared him for this agony as Adam's soul was torn from within his Grace, ripped away screaming in pain and terror and fear. Michael screamed as well, in pain and terror and fear and instant loneliness. Screamed to fill the hollowness within himself. Screamed to not fall apart, screamed to pay tribute to the soul who had healed him and held him together.

Who had taught him what love really was.

Screamed for Adam to return to him.

\--

In the days that followed he laid low.

In parts afraid of what his Father would do now.

But mostly in grief, in grief and pain and not knowing how to go on.

He read the books in this little church, tried to find anything real in the stories people had written, in the images they had created of God and Heaven and Angels. Of himself even. He tried to find anything real in it but found nothing, and none of it diminished the gaping hole within his Grace.

The gaping hole of two no longer being one.

And one never even being hole again.

\--

The Winchesters turned up with the Nephilim.

Turned up asking for help.

And nothing within Michael had changed. And at the same time everything had changed.

He didn't want to kill his Father because who ever would want to...

God had lied to him, had created him as just another character, but weeks of knowing that didn't eradicate an eternity of unquestioned loyalty and limitless love. Not from one moment to the next.

But... Adam was gone... what else was there to lose...

So he played along.

When in truth he didn't care about them, about the world, about humanity. Everything had been taken from him, everything he had ever cared about had been taken. He was an empty shell.

\--

He gave them the old Michael.

The one who followed steps, who never strayed out of line, who saw a purpose and went for it regardless of the collateral damage.

Lucifer's reappearance was a hurdle easily crossed over. If it hadn't been for him siring this abomination, none of this would have happened in the first place. None of it. Michael would still be stuck in the Cage, but he would be stuck with Adam, he would have still had Adam.

If it hadn't been for Lucifer he would have still have Adam.

When he killed his brother with another brother's blade, he felt nothing, no satisfaction, no fulfillment of a long overdue destiny. Just nothing. He told the brothers what he thought they wanted to hear. Acted like he was filled with to the brink with the desire to see his Father pay for what he had done, when in truth he couldn't have cared less.

He simply didn't _care_ anymore.

Not about them. Not about setting the world right. Not about God. Not about winning or losing.

About Heaven, or Hell or Earth. About what was right or wrong or just.

About being a good son.

\--

He wanted only one thing.

He wanted to die.

He couldn't do it at his own hands, knew that Jack wouldn't do it with his, so that left one option.

His Father.

So he handed every plan, every action, every thought over to him like the obedient puppy he had been formed to be.

Knowing without a doubt that his Father was too blinded to see his real intention.

Michael didn't want to go on.

Not without Adam.

\--

When they stand in front of another, Michael felt relief.

"Father."

"Son."

Relief at knowing that the end was near, that the pain would stop, that he would no longer feel so empty.

And every part of his father's fury as he reaches out with his power to kill him, it felt like kindness, like love and like warmth. It felt like freedom from never again having to be anyone's pawn in any games. It felt like forgiveness for never being good enough. His father had never loved him, never cared but in the end just for one moment he gave Michael exactly what he wanted with every fiber of his being. For the first time, he got what he wanted.

The pain stopped.

Michael died.

\--

He slept.

And for the first time, he dreamed.

**The End.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, Jake Abel, for bringing Michael and Adam to life. They will always remain my favourites.


End file.
